#13 THE GRANARY 'CUE & BREW - Where Barbecuterie is King

I have seen the future of BBQ.  I prefer the past.

As I've said before, my purpose isn't to review the Top 50 BBQ joints in Texas. Texas Monthly has already done that.  They're on the list for a reason, each has earned their place, and I've enjoyed every one of them.

But dude, what the heck is going on at Granary 'Cue & Brew in San Antonio?              

Historic-looking home of Granary 'Cue & Brew

From the outside it's got all the appeal of a trendy BBQ joint.  Pig in the logo? Check. Old house? Check. Hyper-trendy neighborhood? Check. Clouds of smoke enveloping the neighborhood?  Check check check.

The place looked and smelled promising.  But I should have known what to expect once I realized the Granary was located near the Pearl.

Have you ever been to the Pearl? If not, you're missing out.  It is located on the grounds of the old Pearl Brewery. They've taken the empty 23-acre campus of Texas' most watered down beer and turned it into one of the most beautiful places in the state. I can't think of anyplace in Texas as magical as the Pearl at night, it is truly one-of-a-kind. A collection of historic buildings featuring $400-a-night hotels, high-priced restaurants and craft breweries that sell an IPA that put the old Pearl beers to shame.

The Hotel Emma in The Pearl on
The San Antonio River by The Photographer, Miguel Malo

The Pearl is beautiful and hoity all at the same time...an alternative River Walk for the natives of San Antonio.  So of course, Granary 'Cue and Brew would reflect its surroundings.

Outside, the Granary is pretty cool. But the inside is...brace yourself...a sit-down restaurant. With a hostess.  And menus. And waiters with beards that scream, "Mommy, look what I did!" covering their millennial faces.

It's a bait and switch, people, bait and switch!

Sweet, shiny interior

After taking a seat at our shiny, vintage wood table, my dinner partner (a huge advocate of the original Luling City Market) and I placed our drink orders and picked up our menu. You would think that ordering barbecue at a "BBQ restaurant" would be an easy process.

You would be wrong.

It took us about 5 minutes of staring at the menu...looking at each other...looking back at the menu...before we realized that the "cue" we had come for was actually called the Barbecue Board.

Well OF COURSE, the Barbecue Board would be the traditional brisket and sausage plate. See it down there on the menu? Market-style fare served with baked beans, potato salad, buttermilk bread and 'cue sauce. It just screams "two meat plate with your choice of brisket, sausage or pork" doesn't it?  Ahem.

Where's the beef?

When Beardo the Waiter returned, he told us about the daily specials.  Everything sounded great, but of course we had come for the 'cue and had worked up a hunger trying to find it. Beardo had never seen the Yeti-issued Texas Monthly BBQ Passport, which told me a lot about the Granary's regular clientele. We each ordered a brew and the Barbecue Board. He warned us that "it wouldn't be as much as you'd like." We added a pork belly appetizer, figuring we would have enough between us.

Beardo was right. Each Barbecue Board contained a half slice of brisket and four slices of sausage or a small pile of pulled pork.

The barbecuterie at Granary 'Cue & Brew

This, my friends, is not barbecue.  It is barbecuterie -- charcuterie masquerading as barbecue. And isn't it the cutest lil' half-piece of brisket you've ever seen?  Best of all, it's got half the fat and half the calories of your regular slice of brisket!

The sides, however -- BBQ beans, German potato salad, buttermilk bread and house-made pickles -- were pretty fantastic.

That's not caviar, it's the watermelon hot sauce,
and it's fantastic

The sushi-lookin' pork belly was ok (it made me crave Heim BBQ's pork belly burnt ends), but I must say that the watermelon salsa was pretty damn fine.  They should sell that stuff by the bottle.

So in short, if you like delicious hipster BBQ, by all means go to Granary 'Cue and Brew.  It's a killer restaurant that serves delicious barbecuterie, but it's not a killer barbecue restaurant. There's a difference and you need to know it before you go.

And a public service announcement for you bearded hipsters from the generation that drank plenty of Pearl and Lone Star beer during their original incarnation. They weren't good before and they haven't improved since, even in pint-size cans at the all-you-can-play arcade.

You're welcome.