The 'Cue Ball - The Fat Man Visits Smoked Dallas

Smoked Dallas (aka the 'Cue Ball) was held on Sept 23, 2017, in downtown Dallas at Main Street Garden. I loved the event, but it took me almost three months to recover enough from my beef coma to write this post.

Smoked Dallas is an annual gathering of some of the best BBQ in Texas and the people who love it. And Dean Fearing, because what BBQ event would be complete without the Godfather of food?

This year there were 15 restaurants showing off their BBQ best, including several of Texas Monthly's Top 50 BBQ Joints.  I was very excited about attending Smoked Dallas, and started preparing weeks ahead. On the day of the Ball, I put on my shower cap and my BBQ best (e.g. a gimme cap and some stretchy jorts). I was Prince Charming about to be surrounded by 15 Cinderellas, and I was ready to dance.

I arrived at the gates with two friends, and we stood in line to scope things out. The BBQ joints were lined up next to each other, shoulder clod to shoulder clod. Meat U Anywhere, Black's, BBQ on the Brazos, Cattleack BBQ, Lockhart Smokehouse, Louie Mueller Barbecue, Tyler's, Stanley's, Valentina's, Top 5, Schmidt Family BBQ, Hutchins, Meat Church and One90 Smoked Meats. It didn't look like it would take much effort to enjoy a small sample of their meats, maybe 10 steps from stand to stand.

Once they opened the gates, we waltzed our way to the first stop and began to dance.

...step right up, take the beef, scarf it down
...step right up, take the beef, scarf it down
...step right up, take the beef, scarf it down

It was a symphony of beef, and I was the conductor.  I stepped off again and again, dancing with a new partner each time. (Step right up, take the beef, scarf it down.)  It was wonderful, each BBQ joint offering their best beef.  The place was alive with the sound of meaty music!

Then, about seven samples in, the music stopped as if someone pulled the plug. I swooned, tried to catch my breath and sat on the curb with a spinning head and a ballooning stomach. The symphony quickly turned into something more akin to a loony tune. I was bloated...it was over.

Bloated. Over. Bluto. Over?  Did you say "over"?  Nothing is over until we decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  The closest thing to Germans and Pearl Harbor at a BBQ event are sausage and maybe Pearl Light.  It didn't matter, I was on a roll.

Emboldened by my beef induced hallucination, I picked myself up off the curb and lurched my way to the next stand. The rest of Smoked was a bit of a blur, but like every good man at an all-you-can-eat BBQ, I damn well finished every sample that was offered to me. Everything was outstanding, but when you're eating 15 different samples it really takes something to stand out.  Here's what cut through the smoke:

Tyler's was good enough to get me 
excited about going to Amarillo 

1. Tyler's BBQ - simple, tasty BBQ that I can't wait to try when I'm in Amarillo.

2. BBQ on the Brazos - terrific BBQ, just like the first time. I even tried to get a selfie with the disinterested lady giving out samples. No go.

Hey dude, Lockhart has
two restaurants in Dallas

3. Lockhart Smokehouse - I love Lockhart's but why such a long line of people from Dallas waiting to get brisket from a Dallas BBQ joint?  Hello?

Black's life-changing sausage on a donut

4. Black's BBQ - GLAZED DONUTS!  They had the longest line, great BBQ and they put their sausage samples in between slices of glazed donuts. GLAZED DONUTS, PEOPLE!!!

Where's the beef?

5. Cattleack BBQ - The brisket-filled empanadas were delicious.  I would have preferred brisket-filled brisket, but whatevs.

I love Valentina's 

6. Valentina's Tex-Mex BBQ -- Tex-Mex and BBQ?  A mind blowing combination, and they did a great job of bringing the taste of Tex-Mex to their brisket.

Louie Mueller's ribs stuck with me

7. Louie Mueller BBQ -- Their beef rib samples were soooo good. Moist, flavorful and delicious.


8. Hutchins BBQ - Hands down, the best sausage at Smoked.

Hutchins' jalapeno and cheese
sausage ruled the day

After the carnage, I waddled past many of the closed BBQ stands. Only one place was still open.  From within my meat fog I heard the word "sample".  No one stood between me and the meat.  Last dance, or so I thought.
Step right up...slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch
Sniff the beef...the meat smelled and looked wonderful, as good as the first time I had tried it that day
Set it down...pathetic, but I chose to fight another day

I just couldn't do it.  With my head hung low, I put the sample back and slunk out the exit gates of Smoked.

I can't wait to return to Smoked next year!

An empty cutting board is a sad cutting board